I do not need your red sculpted lips,
Nor hair in loops like a serpent’s coils
Nor a nape as graceful as a swan’s,
Nor narcissus eyes full of drunkenness,
Nor teeth as perfect as pearls of heaven,
Nor cheeks ruddy and full as pomegranates,
Nor a voice mellifluous as a sarinda,
Nor a figure as elegant as a poplar,
But show me just this one thing, my love,
I seek a heart stained like a poppy flower
Pearls by millions I would gladly cede,
For the sake of tears borne of love and grief.
Abdul Ghani Khan
thanks to this Brown Town post by Mansi Shah for my new favorite poet
found this in the volunteer section of craigslist
Date: 2010-05-21, 6:44PM EDT
Reply to: email@example.com
This is from my heart to yours.
I have been struggling ever since my parents threw me out on the street to ” sink or swim” many, many years ago.
I NEED, DESPERATELY , SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT ME AS A PERSON, AND GIVE ME SOME LOVE AND KINDNESS, AND ACCEPTANCE, AND STRUCTURE IN MY LIFE, AND GUIDANCE.
I NEED A HOME, NOT JUST A ROOF OVER MY HEAD AND MEAN, HOSTILE PEOPLE, CARING ONLY THAT I HAVE GIVEN THEM MONEY TO COVER THEIR MORTGAGE..
NO !! NO !! NO !!!
I AM A HUMAN BEING, AND I DESERVE TO BE TREATED BETTER THAN AN ANIMAL, AND IT SEEMS THAT DOGS ARE TREATED BETTER THEN MOST HUMANS THESE DAYS.
SO, WILL YOU HELP A KIND , GENTLE, TALENTED INDIVIDUAL IN NEED, THAT NEEDS A BEDTIME, A CURFEW, SOME HUGS EVERY DAY, AND SOMEONE SINCERELY INTERESTED IN MY LIFE, TO GET INVOLVED, AND NOT JUST GIVE ME MINDLESS ADVICE. IT IS SO EASY TO SPOUT WORDS OF ADVICE. ANYONE CAN DO THAT , I NEED CARING , NOT ADVICE.
DOES THE NUMBER OF YEARS THAT I HAVE BEEN ALIVE MATTER AS FAR AS HOW I SHOULD BE TREATED?? HOW ABOUT WHO I AM , AND WHAT I NEED? DOES IT MATTER WHAT I NEED? OR AM I JUST A LIFELESS NUMBER THAT IS EXPECTED TO PERFORM AND THINK AS EVERYONE ELSE IS SUPPOSED TO DO, AND IF I CANNOT , THEN I AM LABELED AS MENTALLY ILL?? REALLY?? IS NEEDING A CURFEW AND A BEDTIME THE STANDARD FOR BEING MENTALLY ILL?? CAUSE IF IT IS , THEN I AM ON THE WRONG PLANET, AND PERHAPS IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I KILLED MYSELF. MY LIFE HAS BEEN SO UNBEARABLY LONELY THAT I HAVE RESORTED TO EATING FOOD AS A WAY TO GET LOVE, AND IT NEVER WORKS.
My parents refuse me even to visit them , and that is the worst pain i have ever experienced. Married?? What ??? I have never even had a girlfriend, i was terribly shy.
age ??? i have no age, I am more of a little boy in a body that is 130 pounds and 5 foot and a half tall.
Sorry, but i am not going to think the way you want me to. I do not believe that Jesus is going to save me. I believe only in love and acceptance of each other, and i am just not at this level of maturity that many have told me i am supposed to be at called a grown man. I am not a grown man, i am a hurting, scared little boy whose parents forced me to leave their house and i have been struggling to survive ever since. I have never had a home of my own, i have always lived with strangers, and some of the people have become lifetime friends and loved ones, and some of the people have become people i never want to see or speak to ever again.
I sunk. Yes, many years have passed, and my body has aged and become very strong, and can do all kinds of physical “yogic” stretches and handstands, etc, but my wounded soul has never healed, and now i am being told By people that know me not, that i am now a “grown man ” and they have put all kinds of totally impossible expectations on me, and now i am supposed to be at a level of maturity, wisdom, and life skills that i just am not at. People that truly don’t know me at all, have put their ignorant expectations on me, and to make it worse, i have experienced so many people saying…….
” How Are You”
yet in truth they truly could care less. Perhaps you have chosen to go along with this ” insanity” to me, and i refuse to go along and say something that so many mindlessly have said to me, yet did not care. In my reality , to ask me how i am doing and not care enough to take me in your home , if i need a home is a crime.
WELL, IT IS ALMOST 3 AM, I HAVE TO LEAVE THE CURRENT ROOM THAT I AM RENTING AND UNLESS SOMEONE TAKES ME IN OUT OF THE KINDNESS OF THEIR HEART, AND READS ME A STORY IN BED, OR GIVES ME A LITTLE BACK RUB OR A MASSAGE, THEN I AM GOING TO HAVE TO SLEEP ALL ALONE AND SCARED IN MY VAN , AND I WILL BECOME SUICIDALLY DEPRESSED , AS I WAS FOR MANY YEARS, LIVING OUT OF A TERRIBLY LONELY VAN. My relatives , all weathy in nice large homes, all turned me away and all i asked for was love, company, and a bedtime, and instead they could have cared less if i dropped dead in my van all alone.
I am not looking for pity , i am looking for support, guidance, and forgiveness and to move on in my life and have a life, and a family of some sort, and to go to bed every night, AT A EARLY TIME and get a goods nights sleep, instead of staying awake all night cause i am so lonely i cannot even think. It is now 3:42 am, and i wish i was sleeping 6 hours ago, instead of mindlessly being on this computer.
There it is, and there you have it.
If you are looking for my money and not my soul to love, please don’t respond.
ONLY RESPOND IF YOU ARE LOOKING TO TAKE A LONELY HURTING SOUL IN YOUR HOME AND NURSE ME BACK TO HEALTH. THEN YOU WILL HAVE ALL THE MONEY YOU WANT, BECAUSE I WILL BECOME A VERY SUCCESSFUL INDIVIDUAL, WITH SOME LOVE/CARING/STRUCTURE/BEDTIME/ HUGS , and i will be happy to give you money. HAPPY TO GIVE YOU MONEY!!
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS, MY FELLOW HUMANS.
GOOD NIGHT !!
everyone tells me i have my auntie jean’s eyes.
and i know i do, just not in the way they all mean it.
the things i see
the things we see, are never quite the same, though i hear she dreams in the same colors that i do, the same mixed up greens and painful redblacks, the white that only skin can look without blood crashing through it,
yes we have always been similar in a way, the difference being that
she, unlike me, remembers she is alive, needs not prove to anyone (everyone?) just how alive she is at all times
it was she who first taught me to love, to
cut, to slice and to dice,
was under her nurturing eye that i was first counseled in the
way of the wanted,
and yet now i stand
i stand in front of you, voice as low as the ground and one hand behind me to ask
if you can touch me, if you can taste me, if you can love and shock me,
because i am not never was my auntie jean, that sweet starling sinner that could stop you with nothing, that silver sand drying liquid lust underneath your tongue—-
i am not auntie jean, i am just
your blue-blooded lover, waiting for you to jumpstart our hearts
i don’t know what went wrong, i’m not sure what stopped me
from living unlost and in love
- by “nea telarrin”
"The growing length of childhood coevolved with the enlarging of the brain - which has tripled in size over the last 2.5 million years, since the time of the first tool-making hominids - and with the development of complex bonding, which includes friendship, romantic love, parent-child attachment, and loyalty to a group.
As the brain grew bigger, childhood needed to be longer since there was so much to learn. To keep a vulnerable child alive for many years, we evolved strong bonds between parents and children, between mates, within extended family groups, and within bands as a whole - all in order to sustain “the village it takes to raise a child.” Bands with better teamwork outcompeted other bands for scarce resources; since breeding occurred primarily within bands, genes for bonding, cooperation, and altruism proliferated within the human genome.
Numerous physical, social, and psychological factors promote bonding. Let’s focus on physical factors, and then drill down further to examine two chemicals inside your brain: dopamine and oxytocin. Both are neurotransmitters, and oxytocin also functions as a hormone when it acts outside the nervous system…”
this article, in Psychology Today, written by neuropsychologist/buddhist/co-founder of wisebrain.org rick hanson, goes on to talk about how dopamine has rewards/addiction mechanisms, and leads to increase in testosterone (ie sex drive), and how oxytocin’s experiential qualities are “pleasurable feelings of relaxation and rightness,” promotes bonding, is released with extended physical contact, orgasms, moving together harmoniously, probably during devotional/spiritual experiences, the stimulation of nipples, and more!